Identity and Love 

I just learnt a couple weeks ago what being a queer means. Then I kept asking and reading articles and I found this article very informative.

“Being a queer means searching for alternate ways of being and living. It means learning to appreciate and celebrate difference and striving for constructive, fair and happy ways to coexist with each other. Being queer means constantly looking for ways to be as inclusive as possible in order to create a world where everyone feels safe and accepted, in which there is true equality for every single person. “

Being a queer means searching for alternate ways of being or living… Then it hit me… I’m always searching, always looking for a better, free, open way of life without excluding anyone.  I’m married, I have 2 young kids… Is it possible I’m a queer?

My life is just full of changes, it is constantly changing and I love it. I want for my kids to grow up in and with nature, to be free, to think without barriers, to express their selves without inhibitions. 

I met a wonderful women a couple months ago, and I’m so dam attracted to her, to her soul. I don’t think about sex or anything but I wish I could have a life with her. A community, two women and 3 kids. She’s coming to spend 2 months with us (me, my husband and my kids) in Italy and I can’t wait to see her. I wish I could cuddle with her, hug her, kiss her, hold her hand and walk together down the street carrying our kids. I know this is so unconventional, you are probably asking yourself “what about your husband?” well I love him, we have a family together, we are just very different and we have a different way to look at the world. I fell always attracted to men and also women but never wanted to admit it to myself. I really feel attracted to kindness and it didn’t matter to me where this kindness came from. 

Now, I feel so fragile, so unsecure…like I can’t be myself when I’m next to her. I want to tell her: “I love you!, let’s have a life together” but I know that would be completely crazy and even though she’s a queer, I don’t think she likes me that way. So what’s now? Should I just live like I always do: putting my feelings on a side and just be friends? Should I just tell her what I feel and maybe have an awkward 2 months with her since she doesn’t feel the same way? Or should I just be her friend and let the universe do or not do whatever is our destiny? I definitely don’t want to loose her friendship. 


One thought on “Identity and Love 

  1. Katya Evangeline May 7, 2017 / 7:59 pm

    I would recommend that you deeply consider what you want in life, the paths to get there and the consequences of taking those paths. If you and your spouse have an open marriage then maybe my questions are unnecessary!
    If not- u shud consider the situation in which this woman does have romantic or sexual feelings for you.
    I would ask: 1) How will your and her mutual feelings affect your current relationship/family and is any likely potential effect worth it?
    2) If your friend shares your feelings, what are your intentions as to her and how will this affect her? Are you in it for a fling or curiosity? Is SHE in it just for a fling & if so would that be worth affecting your marriage?
    It is SO exciting feel love & attraction but you may want to REALLY consider your goals. If this causes your marriage to break up would you be ok with that?
    Many relationships can’t be mended once broken. If you want to pursue this woman is there best or right way to do it?
    If she is coming to stay with you for 2 months I expect she cares about you deeply as a friend, for sure, and maybe more. Because of that I think u should at least think about your goals before she arrives. Feelings might get heated!
    By the way, I ID with being queer but I don’t like to be called “a queer” or “a bi/les/heterosexual” because I am not a thing. I have met others who might feel differently but I would be careful referring to your friend as “a queer” for my reason but also because “Queer”
    is a loaded term which is offensive to some LGBTQ+
    people. Queer DOES mean some sort of LGBTQ+ ID, not just a “recognition” that an LGBTQ ID exists. I don’t think you are saying that after you mentioned your same-sex attraction but your quotes seemed like that at first.
    Good luck with your journey!


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