Wild Free life

And we are here, living in an Italian little farm with hens, chickens, ducks, rabbits, goats, a couple cats, a dog and roosters, a big orchard and many fruit trees. Every morning we wake up, pick up some mulberries, cherries and plums and sometimes fresh eggs. Our next door neighbors have a couple horses, cows, pigs, lambs and so many acres with animals and vegetables. We are living in between mountains but close to the city. Our place is not rustic, it looks more like grandma’s house (not my style at all!) but still it doesn’t matter because everything else is perfect! I wanted so badly to give my kids the opportunity to live in nature, to be free, to get dirty, to be fearless, to respect nature. And here we are! Today my 2 year old went with me to feed the hens and roosters and she did great, not afraid at all and then we went to say hi to the horses and she pat one of them in a very gentle way. I mean…being a toddler is difficult, being gentle at that age is difficult but I guess sometimes animals can teach way better than what we can say or do.

#wildfreelife #wildfreeworld

Just the four of us

And finally it is just us, the four of us… And finally we moved to a new place with a big yard and a little farm. We still have to unpack a lot of things but we did it! We moved and we are still together going through so much right now but still together. My friend and her baby are traveling around and my husband is being a 24/7 dad for the first time. He’s doing OK, he realizes now that is not easy to do much around the house and having a toddler and an infant to take care of. He now knows that sometimes the girls wake up at 5:30am and won’t go to bed until 10:00pm. And that’s OK, that’s life, that’s our day to day… Some days will be shorter, some days will be longer but nothing matter because we love them! Finally I’m settling down a little bit… Like a turtle, very slow but I’m doing it… And I guess that’s all that matter!  

When friendship takes the wrong turn

And I’m here, just sitting on the white chair in my white kitchen (a lot of white in this part of town!) and I’m thinking… How did I get here? How in the world did I ask the wrong, weirdest question ever? Where was my mind in that moment? Was I drunk?! (No, I wasn’t…!) So…. What happened? She played it cool, we laughed about it, she knows I’m awkward and pretty weird but we are friends after all… Then off to bed. Today I wasn’t home all day and when I got home she said she didn’t feel comfortable with what I asked the night before, she told me the reasons why so this time I thought…fuck! It does sound awkward, it is so weird and none of those reasons crossed my mind before! Now, we have to share a very small space without having a break from each other and that makes things even worse. I’m wondering what happened with the cool friend of last night who took things pretty laid back and the friend today who made everything sound so serious and uncomfortable? I asked her, she said she couldn’t understand what I was saying… We will talk later…later never happened. 

Anyway I guess sometimes friendship takes the wrong turn and things could get weird, hopefully tomorrow we will have a fresh, sunny, new day and everything will be normal again. 

If you are wondering about the question…. Well, I won’t tell you, it is just too awkward to repeat it. And now I feel uncomfortable! 

Lost in the world

And we lost our train from Bratislava to Budapest, then we lost our flight from Budapest to Naples. So we decided to take an extra week to explore more of Eastern Europe. We went back to Vienna and then from Vienna to Prague. So far Prague has been awesome! We found a little coffee shop KAVÁRNA, very rustic and warm, with great food and coffee of course! A nice deck that faces to the woods, we can listen to the birds singing and 15 steps down the street, there is a great playground, so calm and quiet. Kids play without adult supervision, everyone shares food and it is very relaxing. What a nice place to spend the day! It is so nice to see how children can play together even without speaking the same language. If you go to Prague, keep in mind these places, you’ll love them! 

Budapest

Here we are in Budapest, Hungary after taking an airplane from Naples to Budapest, 1 bus and 2 trains to our airbnb… With 3 kids under 3 and 4 purses… HERE. WE. ARE! First time traveling with my 2 kids, (2.5 years old and 7 months old) It is fun, it is challenging, it is awesome, it is exhausting… But I’m glad my friend is with us and her 15 months old giving me a hand! We have walk so much, carrying the babies, taking the strollers, walking and walking. Budapest is such a beautiful city, the people is amazing, very generous and kind specially with young children.

The food… So far, nothing to die for… But we’ll see what the next days bring for us.

About friendship… Oh well, things are pretty good, but always remember… It is really different to travel with someone else and with kids. Flexibility and eating is a MUST! I used to travel alone and it was really great but lonely (although I didn’t care too much about being alone!) Now we wake up at 6am (usual time for my toddler) and by the time we are ready to go it is about 10am. Between 6am and 10am I have changed diapers twice, prepared breakfast, prepare our bag for the day and convinced my toddler to get dressed!

Anyway, so far everything is going better than expected and I think we make a good team. 

If you can visit Budapest, do it! It is a very beautiful city and really affordable. 

Suitcases

And here we are… packing again, leaving for a new short adventure to Budapest!!! Last week when I moved from Pittsburgh to Italy (indefinitely) I had to leave 8 suitcases with everything I had! So, 4 suitcases went back to my old place and 4 stayed at the airport waiting for my friend to pick them up. I guess… I HAD to konmari! Well… things go and come. 

As I was saying, tomorrow we will be flying to Budapest. It would be: me, my friend and our 3 children under 2 years old. We are planning to ride the train to Bratislava and Vienna, so wish us luck! 

Identity and Love 

I just learnt a couple weeks ago what being a queer means. Then I kept asking and reading articles and I found this article very informative. 

http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/3510828

“Being a queer means searching for alternate ways of being and living. It means learning to appreciate and celebrate difference and striving for constructive, fair and happy ways to coexist with each other. Being queer means constantly looking for ways to be as inclusive as possible in order to create a world where everyone feels safe and accepted, in which there is true equality for every single person. “

Being a queer means searching for alternate ways of being or living… Then it hit me… I’m always searching, always looking for a better, free, open way of life without excluding anyone.  I’m married, I have 2 young kids… Is it possible I’m a queer?

My life is just full of changes, it is constantly changing and I love it. I want for my kids to grow up in and with nature, to be free, to think without barriers, to express their selves without inhibitions. 

I met a wonderful women a couple months ago, and I’m so dam attracted to her, to her soul. I don’t think about sex or anything but I wish I could have a life with her. A community, two women and 3 kids. She’s coming to spend 2 months with us (me, my husband and my kids) in Italy and I can’t wait to see her. I wish I could cuddle with her, hug her, kiss her, hold her hand and walk together down the street carrying our kids. I know this is so unconventional, you are probably asking yourself “what about your husband?” well I love him, we have a family together, we are just very different and we have a different way to look at the world. I fell always attracted to men and also women but never wanted to admit it to myself. I really feel attracted to kindness and it didn’t matter to me where this kindness came from. 

Now, I feel so fragile, so unsecure…like I can’t be myself when I’m next to her. I want to tell her: “I love you!, let’s have a life together” but I know that would be completely crazy and even though she’s a queer, I don’t think she likes me that way. So what’s now? Should I just live like I always do: putting my feelings on a side and just be friends? Should I just tell her what I feel and maybe have an awkward 2 months with her since she doesn’t feel the same way? Or should I just be her friend and let the universe do or not do whatever is our destiny? I definitely don’t want to loose her friendship. 


Goodbye and Hello! 

And tomorrow we won’t be here…we will be heading to an small town on the other side of the globe. We will miss our friends, our city, our days full of walks in the woods, under the rain, in the snow. We will miss our city where nobody cares how you look and what you are wearing…Tomorrow we will be on a 23 hour trip before we reach our final destination. I have traveled a lot, just me, my big red backpack and my viola…tomorrow it would be me, my 2 year old, my 6 months old, 8 suitcases, 3 carry on, 1 diaper bag, my smallish bag and my husband who is taking us “back home”…but wait…our home wasn’t right here??? Almost 8 years have passed and Pittsburgh has stolen my heart, oh, I will miss it so much! Now, it’s time to settle like every family and I’m so afraid of doing so…I don’t even know how to settle down, I think I just wasn’t born that way….but well, here we go…to this new life, new adventure, new experience. I’m sure everything will be alright, I’m sure we’ll find new friends, new places to walk to, new exciting things to do…a new house to make it feel like our house and to eventually call home!